I bought 46 inch of beauty...

[minniemax]

should be delivered on Friday.

YAY FOR THE WEEKEND!!!

And some of The Wisdom Of Homer (especially for my friend, jaded_jamie)


"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with
fake Ids."

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had
an electrified fooling machine."

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to
learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."

"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet,
they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping
its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it
was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

"I want to share something with you - three sentences that will get you
through life:

Number one, 'Cover for me.'

Number two, 'Oh, good idea, boss.'

Number three, 'It was like that when I got here.'

"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty.

'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just
like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, goodnight."

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or
lose: it's how drunk you get."

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else and it hasn't, it's that
girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy
boxing and such and such."

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day
and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who
gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?

We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those
Police academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did
you?"

"Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!" (My favorite)

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, you're making
a scene.'"

A fool and his money are soon parted. I would pay anyone a lot of money to
explain that to me.

Ah beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel if you will.

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs _with_ me, not at me!

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.

All life's answers are on TV.

Always feel with your heart, although it's better with your hands.

Always have plenty of clean white shirts and blue pants.

Always trust your first instinct -- unless it tells you to use your life
savings to develop a Destructo Ray.

And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest
energy source there is.

Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.

And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned.

Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd
step over your own mother just to get one!

Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!

Be generous in the bedroom -- share your sandwich.

Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making
someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about
themselves!

Come on, Marge, I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want
to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to
visit strange, exotic malls. I'm sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a
sub, a foot-long hero...I want to _live_, Marge! Won't you let me _live_?
Won't you please?!

D'OH!

Dear God, just give me one channel!

Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these
milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign
whatsoever... thy bidding will be done (munch munch munch)

Do I know what rhetorical means?

Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers.

Don't worry, MARGE. America's health care system is second only to Japan,
Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe, but you can thank your
lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

Donuts...is there anything they CAN'T do?

Every creature on God's earth has a right to exist. Except for that damn
ruby-throated South American warbler.

Facts are meaningless, you can use facts to prove anything that's remotely
true!

HOMER's BRAIN: "Use reverse psychology."

HOMER: "Oh, that sounds too complicated."

HOMER's BRAIN: "Okay, don't use reverse psychology."

HOMER: "Okay, I will!"