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Reasons Gay Marriage should Not Be Legal

- Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester and birth control.

- Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.

- Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

- Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

- Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

- Gay marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

- Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

- Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

- Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

- Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

- Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer life spans.

- Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.


And the perfect answer to that:

A Lecture about English

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.

"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."


A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."



So, yeah, right.....
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